It’s Okay

I know it’s been a while. I have stopped writing for a little while. I am just now starting to get back into it. I never did finish putting Together Again into a notebook. I am working on that as we speak. I am taking a little break just to type. I have missed seeing the reactions of what I have said. Lately, I have been thinking about all the people I have met in my life. I have been thinking about them because I have noticed how much I have changed in the course of the past going on three years. I once was a doubtful but strong person. These days I seem lost and at a stand still. I do like the way my life is, don’t get me wrong.
I just had other things planned when I had mapped everything out. Of course over the years I have had to learn what I want to happen, is not going to happen. With the way my luck goes, I’m surprised I have managed to keep myself on Earth. God has always been there and kept me on my toes. I know there are many who will question why I have said many things. I am saying these things because it’s the truth. I have put myself through a whole lot. I don’t know if it was just because I couldn’t get myself to deal with what was going on at the time or because it really was too much. I hope one day I will be able to figure it out myself.
Until then, I will continue to put myself through as much feelings as possible I guess. I look up sometimes and I wonder why I am still standing. I think it’s because God wants me to be here. He puts us in situations and lets us do what we want to do, and he helps guide us out. I have been thinking about a person God kept putting in my life. With this person he made sure he was there at the time he was supposed to be. I used to think the Devil had some work in it too. I mean there was always something going wrong when this person came back in my life. I just kept pushing myself to look past it. I think it was because God knew I could see the good in them.
Even now when I think of this person, I think about all the stuff I have been wanting to tell them. I start to remember a person is usually in your life for a season. When I think about it, the reason this person was around as much as he was, was because it was the season. This person knew how to get me to think and have fun. They knew how to get me to relax and focus on what I wanted. It’s something I have lost how to do. I know I have been living but the thing is I haven’t been completely about myself. I learned a long time ago what I want has to be put on the back burner. It gets put on the back burner because I need to survive.
If I want to follow my passion there is always going to be a consequence. I look at the stories I read on Wattpad and a lot of them are by teenagers. It makes me feel bad a little because I remember all the things I wrote which won’t ever be seen. At the time I wrote those stories, I didn’t know about Wattpad. I keep thinking if I had those, then I would feel fulfilled. It’s because I had made plans with everything I had written and what I was doing about my schooling. I know I will have to push myself. I know I am not the smartest and I will have to work hard. That’s one thing I have always been good at.
I know it seems all my thoughts are scattered but I promise they meet up in the middle. As doubtful as I have always been, this one person always knew how to get me to see that I was put together. They made me think about what I have accomplished and what I can do. I have always told myself the negative to help boost myself. I knew what my life was and is, and I know it won’t change in a blink of an eye. The real world has really ate me and spit me out. I know some will counteract it and tell me I’m wrong but they don’t see the world from my eyes. I know there are people who have been in my situation but they aren’t me, and I’m just telling my views.


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