Releasing(part 1)

              Well I am suppose to be releasing all this negative energy within me. Instead, I am allowing it to come to the surface and make me miserable. I have thoughts which play in my mind. They are thoughts which have made me the person that I am. I wasn’t counting on my life to be the way it is.
        I try, but it doesn’t seem like I am trying hard enough. I do beat myself down. I have done things in a certain way for so long. To know they are wrong makes me feel stupid. I seriously thought the way I was washing the dishes they were clean. To hear her say, “they were not clean,” made me think back to when I was home. I couldn’t stand it. I really just wanted to scream. I think that’s why I liked going in the woods back home.
      I had a place to scream. So what if I like being on my nook and watching movies. I don’t trust the world I am in. I don’t know what will happen. My faith is so shaky I wish I had a pocket knife. I am really scared about the people around me. I am worried about safety and what can happen. I know I am not going to be called by jobs. They would of called by now.
       I hate the way things are right now. I was not planning on this. I was not planning on a lot of things. I love reading. I do get mad with some of the events. I can’t talk to people around me about my thoughts on books. They don’t understand me. I am not prepared for that. I feel so nauseated and like a freak.
       I know I am messed up in the head. I know I am going to need therapy. That’s a given. I am just not prepared and that’s why I am scared.


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